TALK TO KIDS ABOUT... Gender Bashing

Exploring ways parents and teachers can reduce gender bashing by helping girls and boys interact as teammates, not competitors.

" My son was so excited about learning Spanish this year he could hardly contain himself.

For days, I watched him stand in front of the mirror as he practiced rolling R's off his tongue. And I, barely knowing any Spanish myself, tried to appease him as he requested the Spanish translation for everything from "chicken nuggets" to "green eggs and ham."

Lately, however, his excitement about first grade Spanish class has waned, giving way to disinterest and dread. Not because the class is difficult or the teacher is strict, but because taunting has become a regular part of the lessons.

For some reason, his Spanish teacher decided it would be a good idea to pit girls against boys during quizzes. The boys have lost every challenge, and the girls have nicknamed them "the dumbest team in history."

For the past few weeks, my son has come home from Spanish class embarrassed and angered at being teased and laughed at along with the other boys."

At age 7, he has just been introduced to one of the longest and fiercest battles of all time — the battle of the sexes. These days, it appears to be nastier than ever, with marketers and retailers cashing in.

Consider the current controversy over one company's line of anti-boy merchandise emblazoned with slogans like "Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them" and "The stupid factory — where boys are made."

And there are — and always have been — a multitude of items on the market that similarly demean and objectify girls. These trends are supported in homes and classrooms, when boys and girls are conditioned to see each other as opponents rather than teammates.

Certainly, some of the teasing and competition that takes place between girls and boys is natural, harmless even. I still remember the boys-against-girls kickball games from my elementary days, and how eager the girls in class were to prove we could kick the ball just as far, run just as fast. I'm pretty sure my teachers used this strategy as a motivator, drawing girls into sports and other competitive activities.

But too often, many of the good-natured rivalries between young girls and boys now are mean-spirited and hurtful, bolstered by a society that condones and models such behavior.

Dr. Linda Kekelis, who conducts gender equality workshops for parents and teachers, says divisions along gender lines often are taken for granted among children. In The Gender Divide: Promoting Positive Relationships Between Girls and Boys, she suggests several ways parents and teachers can foster healthy interactions between both sexes.

Try these ideas at home

Buy a variety of toys and games for girls and boys, including dolls and cuddly toys (to develop nurturing skills), wooden blocks and Legos (to develop spatial and pre-math skills), roller skates, bicycles and balls. When girls and boys have an array of toys they will have an easier time playing at each other's homes.
Include a neighbor or classmate of the opposite sex from your child when planning excursions to parks, museums or community events. Girls and boys are likely to develop mutual respect and camaraderie through these casual, shared experiences.
Provide opportunities for your child to play in the company of mixed-age groups. Observations across different cultures reveal that girls and boys are more likely to play together when they are in mixed-age groups. Teasing is less likely to occur in these groups.
Older girls and boys may be teased for engaging in cross-gender play on the playground or in conversations within the classroom. It may be easier for them to find common ground and engage in interactions outside the scrutiny of classmates. Such opportunities can be arranged through informal settings like coed sports teams, community service programs or faith-based events.
Read books in which relationships between girls and boys are balanced and positive. These books make great presents for girls and boys and are needed additions to classroom libraries. Suggestions for young readers include the Ernest and Celestine series by Gabrielle Vincent and My Outrageous Friend Charlie by Martha Alexander. Suggestions for older readers include Harriet the Spy by Louise Fitzhugh and The Pinballs by Besty Cromer Byars.
Look for computer software that girls and boys can enjoy using together. Recommendations for younger kids include KidPix, Playroom, and Treehouse by Broderbund; and Mille's Math House by Edmark. For older children, check out the Carmen Sandiego series by Broderbund; the Sims product line by Maxis; and the Writing Center by Learning Company.

Encourage teachers to try these ideas in the classroom

When lining children up, teachers should devise creative categories to organize them and avoid separating children by gender. The Mid Atlantic Equity Consortium offers a wonderful poster to remind teachers of this guideline, 101 Ways to Line Up (Other Than By Sex). Order the poster online or call (301) 657-7741.
When allowed to select their own seating, children typically separate by gender. Classroom seating should be arranged so girls and boys are neighbors. This promotes serious work and casual interaction between girls and boys. It also helps classroom teachers share their attention more fairly between girls and boys.
Teachers can decorate classroom walls with pictures and drawings of girls and boys working and playing together. These pictures can be used to introduce discussions about the value of positive relationships between boys and girls. For more practical ways to encourage discussions about gender as well as race, ethnicity, and disabilities, read the Anti-Bias Curriculum: Tools for Empowering Young Children published by the National Association for the Education of Young Children. To order a copy, call (800) 424-2460.

Finally, whether in the home or at school, it's important to establish rules of mutual respect among boys and girls. Children must know that verbal teasing and physical harassment are never acceptable.

I am the parent of one child who happens to be a boy. My hopes for him are no different than they would be if he were a girl — for him to be a happy, compassionate, well-rounded and self-confident human being.

We don't encourage these values and characteristics when we pit girls and boys against each other. We should work instead to create home and classroom environments in which both genders feel equal and valued. And when we do, we bring up girls and boys who skip stones together, not throw them at each other.

Author: Dana Williams